_________ i have found my island; waiting for the island to let me in `

Thursday, October 21, 2004

The days are near and yet I still can't sense the urgency to study.

It's just 12 more days to the first O Level Paper. However I still can't sense the urgency and I am still slacking and have zero desire to study. Something seems to be occupying my mind which makes me unable to concentrate on anything that I do. It seems to keep me distracted all day long. Though I've already shared to the person or persons, I can only feel slightly better. What's exactly happening in me? I do not have an answer to that. Maybe I should start to modify my way of life and live it using a different method. I just hope that this would take away any trouble that is present in me - or at least block it.

Maybe it is really time for me to start my revision and set all my priorities right. I have been living a life with priorities set wrongly. I've came out with a revision time table, cater to the needs of my weakness. Maybe it is time for me to really cut down or cut off my frequency online for the time being. It is only 12 days left and I have 6 subjects to cope with (because no more chinese). On average, I'd only have 2 days for a subject. How am I going to take the exams unprepared. However, if I were to continue grumbling and complaining, it would definitely become one subject per day. That would be a true disaster. Therefore, I must make full use of the following 12 days to do whatever I could and absorb as much as I can.

I think that I've used too much of "Maybe". Thus, you can manually remove all the "Maybes" that I've used. And did you realise that I did not use the word "Well" in this entry? Hmm.. someone asked me how come I keep using it. Thus, as I said, I should change my way of life. Went for a hair cut just now and that should be the first step for the change.

Other than preparing for and taking the exams, I'd take this one whole month to really reflect on my life as I am going to make a major decision after the O level. And I shall not elaborate. If it is meant for you to know, you'll know it somehow. If not, too bad for you. (This is a method to keep an idiot in suspense for a whole month). I think that I should end before I really crap till the extreme. So see you, all my friends here. If you want to meet me online, maybe you could try Saturday nights and Sunday mornings. For those "smsers", my handphone would be set as silent mode from now on, except on Sunday. Hmm.. as if anyone would care.

Well, before I really end this entry, I have a verse to share with you guys, especially those taking the exams. "For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen." - Romans 11:36. As you prepare or even as you enter the exam hall, remember that everything comes from the Father, and everything can be done through Him. Similarly, whatever results or outcomes there would be, they would glorify God. Just do all your best and the Lord would take care of the rest! AMEN!

Ok, that's all... Good Luck to all those warriors preparing for the battle in 12 days' time. (including me, of course)

crucified at 9:31:00 PM
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Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Problems ! Problems ! And more Problems ! They are the way of life.

God has made us in in His and our own unique ways. Without any biasness. This means that each of us has different abilities and strengths. Therefore, there should be no point comparing yourself with what others possess, which will result in jealousy, rivarly, or even the loss of faith in oneself. The devil can never change or give us what we have or want to have. However, they would try ways to put thoughts into your mind, causing you to feel lousy and poor compared to others, and you will eventually lose faith in the Lord, who created you since the beginning.

Everyone has his or her own dreams to pursue. Be it being a lawyer or a teacher. On your journey towards these things, you may sometimes complain that you are not good enough, not strong enough in your academic fields (for students) to be what you want to be. However, is that really? I doubt so. A strong foundation in the academic field doesn't make a good teacher or a good lawyer. The most important parts are the passion, the burning passion in them. Well, if you say that you are not as capable as others, as they may have the strengths that you don't, well, ask yourself. You do have your unique abilities and strengths. Look deep and it will be found. And I believe that you will succeed.

Similarly, life is a journey which no one can predict the destination or the length. There are times when we will fall - really deep. However, how do we cope with the injuries? Do we continue to stay there to wait for others to come by and give you a hand? That's simply not practical. We would often lose faith in ourselves and give up along the way. Someone once told me, "If you yourself do not help yourself, how would others bother to help you?" It is indeed so. People around you have their own problems and troubles, why would they bother to help someone who does not even bother to help himself? It's not logical to do so. Even if they pull you up, you'll fall back and no work is done. So what do you say in reply of this? Should you continue to wait for help or do you want to make a stand by yourself?

Joshua 1:9 reminds us "Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Do you not know that the Lord your God is always walking with you? So why should you be afraid to stand up again? The phrase "Be strong and courageous" appears in the bible 11 times. So what do you say again, in reply to this?

Search your hearts, my brothers and sisters. Life is not at it's end yet. The Lord has His plan for you, each and everyone of us. Trials are planned perfectly by God to train us and not to provoke us. He will never place us in situations where we cannot handle. The Lord never fail us, since the beginning of mankind. Put your trust in Him and follow Him whole-heartedly now. I believe and I pray, that He will make your path straight.

crucified at 3:09:00 PM
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I shall cut down my frequency online. I shall study.

Remind me to study if you happen to see me online. Thanks!

crucified at 10:15:00 AM
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Tuesday, October 19, 2004

- Humphrey Tan

crucified at 10:38:00 AM
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Monday, October 18, 2004

Galatians 3:3-4
Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort? Have you suffered so much for nothing--if it really was for nothing?

crucified at 5:33:00 PM
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Sunday, October 17, 2004

Lord I Give You My Heart

This is my desire
To honor You
Lord with all my heart
I worship You
All I have within me
I give You praise
All that I adore is in You

Lord, I give You my heart
I give You my soul
I live for You alone
Every Breath I take
Every moment I'm awake
Lord, have Your way in me

I'll make this my prayer to Him today, tomorrow and forever.

crucified at 8:38:00 PM
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To someone.

I am truly sorry about what I've done.
I was out of my mind.
I shouldn't have said those things.
Maybe I wasn't prepared or whatsoever.

I am willing to let go of the past.
The painful past.
Though it holds a meaningful part of my life.
I do not know what to say.
But do remember my last message yesterday.

I am sorry.

But I still mean what I've said.

crucified at 8:39:00 AM
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