Saturday, July 31, 2004

It was the english paper two and e maths paper one mock exams this morning. The english was a killer. Couldn't even understand the passage. How are they expect us to do? Well, e maths was okay... considered okay compared to the fatal english. Well... went to the prefects' room to wait for the rest as they have bio lesson. well, it was so nice of amie to call to ask whether we want any food. (though it may not have been intended for me)... hahaz... but she bought anyway... hahaz.. well... was thinking whether I should go to River Life today. hmm... finally decided to tell su yi (my discipler)... I told him my reasons and I want a new home. He wanted to meet me but it was already 1pm... hmm... well.. meeting him next saturday, after thanksgiving. Went Singapore Post to have lunch with Jonathan, Eugene, Joylynn, Amie and Ze Sheng... had only whipped potato due to my sore-throat (told them I got sore-throat le)...haiz.. hmm.. bought 2 regular sized ones... one of them was intended for amie, but she refused to eat... well... took both... hahaz... it was two thirty when we finally decided to leave the place. Waited for bus 70 for like 20 minutes? Two buses came together... maybe was because of the buses for the NDP Preview today... haiz... rushed home, took a quick shower and to aljunied mrt I went. Meeting Jonathan at 3.30pm to go River Life. Reached at 3.32pm... but he was later... hahaz...

well, reached the church at 4.17pm.... settled down before the worship session starts... sang some songs (majority of which I do not know how to sing)... well, that doesn't matter... it's the heart and passion for the most high... hmm... the speaker was really humorous... some jokes which he claimed are true stories... well, since they are true, why call them stories then? well... watever, as long as it is meaningful and fruitful... and last of all, entertaining... well... really inspired by the speaker... it was about "in the face of studies"... about why study... hmm.... well... if i were to elaborate everything... no one would read this entry... hmm... for emmaus and riverlife, each has it's own good ways... emmaus is a good home for young and new christians... you would get the essential portion of "knowledge" there. As for RiverLife, it is good for christians who are "grown up"... well... hmm... aiyah... dunno wad to say lahz... well... I can't deny that emmasians are more friendly, well... because I did not fellowship with them and this was my first time there, I shouldn't say that RiverLife pple are hostile.... hmm... hahaz...

hmm... that's all for the day... byebye...

crucified at 8:36:00 PM
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Friday, July 30, 2004

It's so confusing. It's a hard decision to make. It determines my future walk with Him.
Well, is there a need for me to change my Third Home (Church)? This question has been hitting my mind since few months ago. I feel that I've been growing very slowly nowadays. My relationship with my feelow siblings-in-christ seems to be fading. Is it because I've thought to much? Or is it because of some other reason. Well, some friends have been asking me to visit some other churches and make one my permanent one if the environment suits me. Well, I've been with Emmaus for more than a year. Well, if I were to leave, I really can't muster the courage to tell them. What should I tell them? Will they doubt my faith? Will I become a irresponsible Christian if I change a church? Well, frenkly speaking, I do not know. Well, they asked me to think back about my present church. How it functions, the services, the people, the atmosphere, the enviroment. Well, I have been convinced that it's a good church, but only for young christians. But... am I not young? Hmm... well.. I think that I am not with the authority to make the decision. Well, I shall start praying today. Well, it doesn't matter which church am I attending, the most important part is whether I am growing. All churches are worshipping the same God after all. hmm... if you can, pray for me too...
 
Well, my throat is still not recovering. In fact, yesterday was better than today (you know what I mean huh)... Well, my tears nearly flow out when I swallow a little amount of saliva this morning... well... told mum about it and she says, "Serve you right." well.. was annoyed by her "uncaring" remark. Nevermind... well... I have a good news today... I am no longer a member of The Air Force... hahaz... that's what I thought of for the term TAF (Trim & Fit)... well, although the membership is free, the services and activities provided are somehting of higher standard... it's both physically and mentally demanding... hahaz... well... I am OUT!!!... well... I eventually lost 1.7kg in a week (may seem little to some)... well... whatever... I am out anyway... hahaz... won't be looked at every morning during the daily run... hahaz... so paiseh... well... it's a bonus for mum too as she doesn't have to wash so much clothes anymore... well...at least one shirt and one short lesser... It saves water and detergent... hahaz... crap... well... hmm... tomorow is the english paper 2 and e maths mock exams... well... yet studied... hahaz... well... the keyword is MOCK isn't it? wahahahaz... I am crapping again... btw... no one is at home now except me... hahaz... I am the temporary KING... mum's at aunt's house to celebrate a cousin's (who has no blood relation to me) 3rd birth anniversary... hahaz.... well.... i should end here....bye

crucified at 7:13:00 PM
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- Humphrey Tan

crucified at 7:02:00 PM
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Thursday, July 29, 2004

Currently suffering from severe sore-throat, cough, flu and lastly, the "long-life" hiccups... hmm... woke up at 5.40am this morning... felt a great pain at my throat... "Gosh, it's getting worse..." it was only minor pain and a little uncomfortable in the past few days... but it's getting from bad to worse... i can feel the great pain even as I swallow my saliva... it's really irritating... furthermore, dunno why... i am also suffering from endless hiccups... i never experience such thing before... since the morning till now.. be it on the bus, the national anthem or lesson, i have been "hiccupping" non-stop... haiz... o wad a day... well.... had amaths test this morning... well...bound to fail le... only remembered how to solve when there was only 2 minutes left..haiz... maybe this was because of the lack of practices... hmm... well... that's all....bye...

crucified at 8:30:00 PM
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- Humphrey Tan (for someone special in his life)

crucified at 6:51:00 PM
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Tuesday, July 27, 2004

CROSS MY HEART
 
Time passed
Seasons faded
But my love remains
Unchanged
 
Take my words
Trust my all
I will be faithful
Once and all
 
I love you
Not a myth
I am sorry
Never exist
 
I can't live
Without you
Bear me not
Depart you
 
I would be glad
To wait for you
Will you be mine
God knows
 
The only thing I know
I love You
Deep down
Cross my Heart
 
- Humphrey Tan (for someone special in his life)

crucified at 9:10:00 PM
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YOUR LOVE
 
You took me in my hand
We walked the narrow path
Towards the unseen holy land
To spend eternity there
 
You drew me to Your chest
And said that You loved me
You reminded me of Your plan
Of Your death at Calvary
 
Why do You love me so
I could not understand
I feel so unworthy of You
As You died a sinless death
 
You called me in again
You told me that You care
But where were You when it is hurt
I thought You promised to stay
 
They hurt me once again
They killed me with their tongues
But You asked me to forgive
And You would complete the rest

Reassure me will You
Convince me once again
Show me Your powerful love
And I will rest in Your arms
 
- Humphrey Tan

crucified at 8:43:00 PM
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PROMISE
 
Promise
Of peace
Of love
Of life
You made it all
 
When I stumble
You gave me peace
You calmed my heart
You wiped my tears
 
When I am tired
You clothed me with love
The over-flowing love
The Father's love
 
When I was still a sinner
You died for me
A life exchange for another
An unworthy cost
 
Undivided worship I give
Unreserved obedience I commit
Unlimited trust I surrender
 
For You
My Lord
Friend
 
- Humphrey Tan

crucified at 8:38:00 PM
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Monday, July 26, 2004

CHANGE
 
A change of heart
A change of mind
A change of thought
A change of life
 
Risk taken
Faith secured
Love expressed
Through it all
 
Held your hand
Heal my pain
Heard your words
Touched my heart
 
Feeling has changed
All once that were there
No longer are
Disappeared
 
Has the time arrived?
An indication of 'Good-bye'
I packed up
Left
 
Maybe I should let go
So that I can get hold
Of someone
Whom I held dear
 
Things
that were never expected to
Changed
Words
that were made into promises
Are broken
 
The trust has faded
The belief is gone
The vow has broken
The love has flown
Away
 
To a far away place
Unknown
 
- Humphrey Tan
 

crucified at 6:07:00 PM
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Sunday, July 25, 2004

DEEPLY
 
Many things
I do not know
I dare not ask
I dare not say
I dare not do
 
Will my longing be worthy?
Will my peserverence fail me?
Will I be faithful after every trial?
And will you say a "Yes" to me
 
I admit I am timorous
I can't deny that I am ignorant
I do not know what's on your mind
I do not know what you may think of me
 
Maybe you want me to let go
Maybe you would hate me deep inside
But just being nice at the surface
I just do not know
 
Can you tell me what you think?
I am sure I will do my very best
To change myself in any ways
For you
 
You may say I am not being myself
You may say I can't make decision
NO, that's not the real ME
I can make a stand for myself, too
 
I know you may not believe
But are you willing to wait?
Let time prove my sincerity
Let the world prove my love
 
I love you. Deeply.
 
- Humphrey Tan (for someone special in his life)
 
 

crucified at 11:14:00 AM
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