_________ i have found my island; waiting for the island to let me in `

Saturday, September 11, 2004

I am breaking it out... but I can't...

Please don't get surprise if you read on the news headline tomorrow that a teenager has committed suicide. Haha... just joking... Words alone can't describe my feeling right now. Well, I just couldn't express my feeling using words as it is now beyond description. I never had this kind of feeling before. I really wish to call her and tell her that I am really serious this time. However, will that work? Would that spoil our present friendship? Would she ignore me? I do not know. Haiz... just hope that the last day of O level comes quickly... haiz...

crucified at 9:30:00 PM
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Friday, September 10, 2004

It's like preventing Air from escaping from a container.

It's really hard. It's really hard to hide a feeling that will never fade. I've tried my very best to keep it down in my heart, but it's a torture. Imagine yourself holding your breath on and on. That what I felt all the while, maybe I should say, that's what I am feeling right now at this very moment. Whenever I met her online or in school, I would have the intention to tell her that I still like her, however, I told myself that I mustn't do that. Haiz.. O what is Love... haiz...

crucified at 11:06:00 PM
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I have a nice site to share with you guys:

http://www.spug.net/showthread.php?p=602468

crucified at 10:23:00 AM
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Thursday, September 09, 2004

DREAM...

Did I said that I dreamt of her? Well, maybe I shouldn't say. I knew that you guys would definitely laugh at me and some would even say, "Chin Ho, you are thinking too much!" Well, everything happened on tuesday's night. I dreamt of her. It took place in school, I guessed (little people can remember 100% of his dream). I dreamt myself talking to her, but she failed to notice me. Well, then... aiyahz... hmm... don't think I want to say more le. If you want to know more, you may ask my in MSN and I MIGHT tell you. hahaz...

Well, reached home at 5 plus this evening. Well, the journey was relatively smooth compared to the last one. Hmm... well, supposed to go back to school to collect some social studies stuff but I knew I couldn't make it back on time. Well, called jun liang to collect for me then. Hmm... then ask mum to collect from him just now.. hahaz.. it's so kind of him...

Well, I couldn't really concentrate on my revision. She kept appearing in my mind and I'd spend lots of time thinking about her. What's wrong with me? Can somebody help me?

crucified at 9:51:00 PM
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He who claimed to be the FATHER, is the FATHER indeed

Hi everyone (if anyone cares to read), I am back from the DunnoLand. I have a personal testimony to share with you guys. What's the definition of a Father. According to the dictionary, a Father is someone, who brings a child up. Well, according to the bible, it is more than this, a Father is someone who loves his children, who cares for his children and who will never forsake his children. Well, while I was on the bus three days ago, it started to drizzle and eventually turned into a heavy downpour. Well, I dislike rain, as it caused many inconvenience especially to travellers and it is quite a danger to walk on the road when it rains, provided that I had so many belongings and my brother was with us. Well, I closed my eyes and talked to the Father. "Dear Lord, I believe in You as You said You will not let me suffer. I believe that You will not forsake me or let me on my own. And now Father, I believe that You will stop this rain..." Just as my prayer was approaching to the end, the "melody" of the impact of the rain hitting the top of the bus started to fade... and eventually stopped. I opened my eyes and I found out that the rain had stopped. Hallelujah! I shouted in my heart and tears of joy nearly flowed. HE ANSWERED MY PRAYER!!!

That was not the end. We reached the terminus and transfered to a cab to the final destination. Well, you got to believe me, it rained again. It was about 5km from our destination when it started to pour. Well, as I knew that He would answer, I prayed again. And well, I don't think I need to further elaborate, as you guys should know the ending. The rain stopped. Throughout the journey, no rain droplet fell on me.

crucified at 5:35:00 PM
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Sunday, September 05, 2004

Wake me up Lord, will You?

I found out that I've been sleeping all the while. Thanks to Joylynn, who woke me up. Hope that it's not too late. I have to admit this: I've stopped praying to God about the church matter since I've made up my mind to attend riverlife. (Not knowing that whether it was my own decision or God's) I admit I assumed that God wanted me there. All the reasons I gave were from myself, they were not from God. I stumbled when Joylynn told me that we all sec4s, are going to leave MEGALIFE and proceed to another service which is going to be held from 7pm till 9.30pm, which is impossible for the time being. As I already have a bit of problem now. Why? If I am really committed to Him and ready to give up anything for Him, I wouldn't have stumbled upon the timing. I can proudly say that I am attending riverlife for the sake of God, not for the sake of the people nor for the sake of going. However, it was not like this for emmaus. Since the first day, my purpose there was wrong. Many a time, or should I say most of the time, I was there not to desire God, not really to seek God, but just attending foundation and youth fellowship for the sake of the people there, and for the sake of going. AS for the foundation and second-half, I couldn't find myself 100% attentive to them, it's always the messages entering into the right ear and coming out from the left. Thus, I gained nothing. Well, I know that attending church is not to gain something or what. Attending church is to exalt and exhort God as one body of Christ. Attending church is to glorify Him. Attending church is to fellowship with one another. Attending church is to maintain the covenant with God. And well, I am not God, although I can say that I attend riverlife for God, but I can't tell that this will last. Will I be stumbled once again? Will I doubt once again? Or will I change to another church once again? Well, after few minutes of reflection, the only answer to my struggle is, or perhaps the only question to my struggle is: "Have I been praying to Him and seek His opinion?" Well, I know that I can't say yes. In fact, I feel that I've not prayed to Him in such personal way for a long time. Long time = About a week. I know that it's no point saying these things, as actions normally speak louder than words do. However, I do not know why. I failed to realise His presence all day long. I've been doing things that I felt are beneficial to myself. I did not seek Him. I became my own God. I made my own decision. I've been proclaiming Him, I've been singing and listening to songs that praise Him. However, I would be too ashamed if I were to ask myself the following questions. "Do I mean what I sing?" "Do I mean my every prayer?" "Is my desire burning? Or do I worship for the sake of worship?" "Am I conscious of God?" and the list goes on and on. When would I really stand firm and say "YES" to every questions? I always ask people around me to seek Him and to pray, but never did I set as an example. Yes, I prayed oftenly. But I only meant 40% of my prayer. Well, I did tried to focus on Him times and again, but things just did not turn out the way I want to be. I was distracted - by unknown sources. That affected my prayers.

The most powerful weapon of a Christian is prayer. It's so simple yet so powerful and amazing. It acts as a telephone between the faraway heaven and earth. Well, it's also an important tool for Christian to talk to God and to seek His opinions in many things. Thus, I feel that I really should waste this tool. Unlike a typical phone, other than wireless, I can use it to communicate with God anywhere, anytime - and it's absolutely FREE!...

Well, I am going to start praying to Him. If anyone out there is facing a similar problem as me, I do hope that you would ask yourself the questions that I've mentioned. And PRAYED!!! Lastly, if anyone is reading this, please commit me in your prayers... THANK YOU & AMEN.

*I'd be out of town from tomorrow. Probably back on Wednesday. Thus, may not be blogging. Bye...

crucified at 9:35:00 PM
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May the grace of Christ our Saviour,

And the Father's boundless love,

With the Holy Spirit's favour,

Rest upon us from above.

-- John Newton

crucified at 6:54:00 PM
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Putting myself in God's shoes.

Being a Christian is never easy. For a new Christian, going to church, taking part in building the church may sound interesting to them. Thus, they would participate actively in each and every activities of the church. However, for some, they would gradually develop a tiredness for Christ. The Holy passion and desire in them gradually fade. Oftenly, they would find excuses like "Exams coming", "Not allowed to", "Illness", and sometimes "No money". However, they are often so untrue. In fact, they used excuses to cover up another excuse. For most of the time, they would just spend their time at home either doing things that do not glorify God or not beneficial at all. Therefore, can they be known as Christian? They are no different from those pagans out there who pursue what their mind and flesh desire.

Went for service yesterday. The topic was on how to build a contagious church. Learnt about the component of building a contagious church. The name of the "service sector" is MEGALIFE. It's acronyms are Making Everyone God's Ambassadors with Love, Integrity, Faith and Extravagant. Yesterday was about LIFE. Learnt to Love sincerely, live with Integrity, having Faith and being extravagant by not offering God the left-overs, but giving Him the best. Best worship. Best praise. Best applause. Once again, I made a committment unto Him. Proclaiming that I will glorify Him in all I do. I will be His ambassador, proclaiming His love, His care and His word.

crucified at 1:16:00 PM
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