Saturday, July 17, 2004

I just want You, I just need You
Would You stand beside me Lord
And hold me tight in You
I just can't speak, I just can't sing
O Lord You gave me my voice
to sing of Your great love

Which is all so warm and all so lovely
That will heal of all my brokeness
Why do You O God
Want to give me Your love
When I'm just so unworthy of You
You are just too good
That I want to sing praises to You
To my one and only God in my heart
Who cares for me, Who loves me so much
Lord I just can't wait to say I love You
I love you

You stretch out your hands, let me fall in
To a love that is so great
That I can't just describe
I just can't write, I just can't read
Without You to teach me the Words
To write of all your love

Which is all so warm and all so lovely
That will heal of all my brokeness
Why do You O God
Want to give me Your love
When I'm just so unworthy of You
You are just too good
That I want to sing praises to You
To my one and only God in my heart
Who cares for me, Who loves me so much
Lord I just can't wait to say I love You
I love you

crucified at 10:20:00 PM
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You are the One

The things that You have freely given
(I know I don't deserve)
For yet a sinner I was forgiven
(You showered with Your love)
For all the times that I've been blinded
(You're here to guide me through)
And though I chose to shut You out
(You're here)

How can Your death be justified
(Those nails that pieced Yours hands)
When I'm the reason You were crucified
(Those nails upon my hands)
This sacrifice You made just to bring me back
(To the place where we first met)
You made me see so now I sing:

You are the One
You are the One
Who gave me life to live again
You are the One
You are the One
Who died for me so I may gain
Eternal life with such a cost
(Obedience on the cross)
You bought me back from where was lost

crucified at 10:11:00 PM
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For all the negative things we have to say to ourselves, God has a positive answer.  
 
You say: "It's impossible"
God says: All things are possible (Luke 18:27)  
 
You say: "I'm too tired"
God says: I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28-30)  
 
You say: "Nobody really loves me"
God says: I love you (John 3:16 & John 3:34)  
 
You say: "I can't go on"
God says: My grace is sufficient (II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)  
 
You say: "I can't figure things out"
God says: I will direct your steps (Proverbs 3:5-6)  
 
You say: "I can't do it"
God says: You can do all things (Philippians 4:13)  
 
You say: "I'm not able"
God says: I am able (II Corinthians 9:8)  
 
You say: "It's not worth it"
God says: It will be worth it (Roman 8:28)  
 
You say: "I can't forgive myself"
God says: I Forgive you (I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1) 
 
You say: "I'm poor"
God says: I will supply all your needs (Philippians 4:19)  
 
You say: "I'm afraid"
God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear (II Timothy 1:7)  
 
You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated"
God says: Cast all your cares on ME (I Peter 5:7)

You say: "I don't have enough faith"
God says: I've given everyone a measure of faith(Romans 12:3)  
 
You say: "I'm not smart enough"
God says: I give you wisdom (I Corinthians 1:30)  
 
You say: "I feel all alone"
God says: I will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5)

crucified at 9:59:00 PM
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it was social studies and science paper 1 this morning... well... although they were the so-called mock exam... well... social studies was okay... but science was a bit challenging for me... well... for me lahz... cos i suddenly forgot all the formulae that i supposed to remember... well... everything is over... maybe this is a message from God that i should really put in effort and don't be complacent.... it was such a tiring day....
 
went to mac with ef,bc and zs after the papers... had a meal each and they came with 20 free mcnuggets.... well, they were really OILY... we got a pile of tissues from the lady just for the removal of some portion of the oil in each nugget.... the oil of one piece of nugget would damp exactly a whole piece of tissue... imagine how UNHEALTHY it is... hahaz... since when i became to particular about such things? hahaz... but eating oily food really is unpleasant.... it's like drinking some liquid with erm....aiyah... it's just disgusting.... well... 1pm arrived so quickly... hmm... it's time for my foundation patch-up, since i have not attend it for 2 weeks... well... i would take me 15 minutes to walk to guilin from mcdonald's... thus, i called su yi(my discipler) to inform him that i would be late... hahaz... well... he eventually came to pick me up... hahaz... dun have to walk... well... brendan was thinking and having a headache on whether to muster the courage to head for church instead of returning home... hahaz... but since su yi came, he had no choice but to follow... hahaz... maybe this is..... HIS PLAN?
 
well... had patch up at guilin... i shared about the sins that i've yet overcome and we talked about how are we going to deal with them... well... i shared about tongues... about how disappointed and hurt was i for being hurt but friends (even christians)... and about how i react at that moment.... about how God talked to me and asked me to forgive... and able how i hurt another person at that point of time (due to my lack of self-control)... it is really a fruitful and meaningful one... the watch struck 2 and tht reminded us that foundation is starting... well, we continued to share during foundation and we prayed according to that... yes... we prayed... for there is nothing i can do and nothing He can't do... i believe that He would guide me through this hard time... it's quite a long prayer (to me)... and i really felt His presence... comforting my crying heart...and the heart that ceaselessly calling out, "Father! Father!".
 
4pm came really soon. i hoped that today's foundation would be longer.... but it's beyond my control... well... wanted to leave after foundation... but there was a kinda of force that led me into the next room to join the Youth Fellowship... hmm... heard testimonies of some brothers and sisters.... they were really encouraging.... and it once again convinced and proved to me the faithfulness of God and how He opens ways for His children (like me).... Thank You, Lord... well... i left just before the 2nd-half... at 5pm to be exact....though I hope to stay for longer.... but i know that mum will nag... haiz... it's so sad... and there goes another day of mine...
 
and Yes! I want to Thank Him again... for His overflowing love, unending mercy and unfading faithfulness... He has shone me His miracle once again... Thank you, Lord...

crucified at 7:16:00 PM
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Friday, July 16, 2004

well, didn't go to school today. had gastric problem early in the morning. hmm... messaged mr. lian to inform him about my absence... and asked angela to provide the side gate people with some conduct slips and to brief them what to do... haiz... hahaz... shouldn't have taken the file back for compilation. well... kinda miss school... hahaz... i am serious... hmm... there will be social studies and science paper 1 mock exam tomorrow... followed by foundation class... haiz... a tiring day ahead... well...must always look on the brighter side of life... the BRIGHTER side...
 
well, before i go, let me share some history... killed (hurt) yet another person yesterday... with my tongue... i do not know how come those words could eventually come out from my mouth... i regretted saying them... well... i also don't know why... just felt that i was possessed by the evil one... oh God, save me... well... just as i began to think that life is getting better, problems started to arise... one after another... maybe they are there to spice up my calm, peaceful and boring life... well... maybe they are trials set by the Heavenly one... well... i must admit that there was one point where i really find no meaning in life and had the thought of ending it.... but... that foolish thought didn't last... and i will never let it comes back... i must preserve this life. i must walk till the end and let Him use me as an instrument to light up somebody else's lives... though i may suffer persecution, mockings, scorning or even slandering, i shall never give up so easily... i shall hold on... for i know He is with me all the while... through all situations and suffering, He will not leave me.... i shall fear nothing.... ABSOLUTELY NOTHING...
 
well, i prayed to Him yesterdae night in accordance to this.... I eventually cried before Him... I asked Him to control my tongue as it is the most powerful weapon someone can ever possess.... I do not wish to kill (hurt) anyone else with my tongue anymore, especially my fellow-in-christ... I also pour out my sorrows to Him... about the moment when the people around me slander me, mock me and saying things that hurt me deep... I told Him how I felt and how I wish to fight back... and also how the Spirit in me stopped me... "Child, it will soon be over! Fear not, Daddy is here"... my eyes turned red after saying this phrase... "Yes, Daddy, I will obey You."... i bore them all...
 
you may think that i am saying all these to make people sympathize me... but frankly speaking, i am not... i just want you guys to know that everything will be okay if you let Him (God) take control of your life.... and when you listen to Him, everything will be alright, everything will be so calm that couldn't believe. He never promise that we will not get hurt... sometimes, it's just one of the many rocks that have hitted us, while the rest hitted Him... and this belief has saved my life and brought my thus far.... and it will lead me on... till the day He comes back...

crucified at 9:31:00 PM
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Thursday, July 15, 2004

TONGUE

Lord, it hurts
It really hurts
It hurts to be condemned
It hurts to be slained
It hurts to be slandered
Especially by them

Teach me not to hurt others, Lord
Control this tongue of mine
For it is the most powerful weapon
To ruin someone's life

Lord, forbid me from slandering
Prevent me from cursing
Grant me the wisdom
To say the proper things

Allow me to use my tongue
As an instrument of Yours
Let me use it for encouragement
Instead of spoiling their morale

Lord,
Watch my tongue
For I might not

- Humphrey Tan

crucified at 8:26:00 PM
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PROMISES

They joked about me
They laughed at me
They scorned me
They killed me
They slandered me

They, whom I regard as friends
They, whom I regard as fellow brothers (in Christ)
But they, regard me as nothing

I wanted to fight back,
but You said, "It will soon be over."
I wanted to cry,
but You said, "Daddy is here."
I clenched my fist,
You said, "My child, forgive."
I wanted to run,
but You said, "Be strong, my beloved."

You asked me why I bore it all
I said, "Because I am Yours"
I chose to forgive because You forgave
I chose to be still because You came
I chose to suffer because You took the same path
I chose to live because You died

- Humphrey Tan

crucified at 6:18:00 PM
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I'VE DECIDED

Jesus
I thank You for loving me
Thank You for the sacrifice You gave on Calvary
I thank You for touching me
in each and every way
For all the things that You've done,
I give you praise

Jesus
I thank You for loving me
Thank You for the sacrifice You gave on Calvary
I thank You for touching me
in each and every way
For all the things that You've done,
I'll gladly pray

I've decided to follow You my Lord
I've decided to take up the cross
No turning back, no turning back
My Lord, You are my all

I've decided to follow You my Lord
I've decided to take up the cross
No turning back, no turning back
My Lord, You are my all

For God so loved the World
That He gave His only Son
That whoever believes in Christ the Lord
Will live for eternity

crucified at 6:17:00 PM
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Wednesday, July 14, 2004

PRICE

True Love
Was brought to earth by a man
His name is Christ
He died on the Cross
To deliver us a message
The message of Love

And before He left
He commanded
That we love one another
Just like He has loved us

But why?
Why do hatred still present?
Why do we still judge our brothers?
Why do we still condemn our sisters?
Can both love and conflict co-exist?

What would the feeling of God be?
We disobey Him
We crucified Him
We've long forgotten His redemption plan & His commands
So, how would He feel?

We have taken His love for granted
We thought His mercy is ever-lasting
We thought everything is free
But do you not know?
Have you not heard?
That there is a price for everything
For His grace,
His Mercy
His Forgiveness
His Life
His Peace
& His Love

He is willing to exchange
His all for just one thing -
Our obedience

- Humphrey Tan

crucified at 9:00:00 PM
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ABOVE ALL ELSE

How wide is Your great love
That You would come and die for me
The Lamb that's been given
So I may come receive
Your grace it overflows
Your mercy fills me in my soul
Such a wonderful Saviour
Who knows me like my own

What a privilege for me to come depend
on a God who calls me by my name, my friend

Above all else
I want to love You like You do
Lord I will worship like I should
I will give my all to You

Above all else
I want to live my life each day
Pleasing in every single way
Jesus I will offer up my all to You

There're times when I would fall
When I can't seem to hear You call
But I know that You're here Lord
You'll never let me go
You'll always stand by me
For who I am and used to be
Don't deserve any of these
The things You freely give

What a privilege for me to come depend
on a God who calls me by my name, my friend

Above all else
I want to love You like You do
Lord I will worship like I should
I will give my all to You

Above all else
I want to live my life each day
Pleasing in every single way
Jesus I will offer up my all to You

crucified at 8:59:00 PM
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crucified at 8:55:00 PM
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Tuesday, July 13, 2004

WHAT DO WE KNOW

We can't see God
We may not feel Him
He only appears in our hearts
He is only present in our conversations
But where?
Is He with us physically?
What do we know?

Sometimes it seem He doesn't care
Sometimes we feel He's not there
Sometimes we just couldn't convince ourselves
That there is a Holy one out there
what do we know?

We often want to run back to Him
But we failed in every attempt
We often give up on hope
We condemned ourselves
what do we know?

There are times when we just couldn't
Trust on someone that we can't see
There are times when we are too down
That we need some help that looks "REAL"
what do we know?

It hurts Him too when we suffer
He cries when we do
He sends His angels to comfort us
But our doors are often closed
what do we know?

There are things that may be too demanding
We may suffer breakdown
We may be defeated
But can we see the hand reaching for us?
what do we know?

Sometimes things are just beyond out control
Sometimes problems may seem to BIG for us
But don't you know that He cares?
That He will never put us in situation when we can't handle?
what do we know?

Although there are things that we may not know.
But He has a plan for us - that's true
He will always be there
He will provide
And that is sufficient for us to know

- Humphrey Tan

crucified at 10:11:00 PM
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“You
won't KNOW you have it until you
NEED it ”


I find this a beautiful, short yet meaningful quote. Let me bring the meaning out through a featured story. There was a group of mountain-climbers who went for an expedition. The weather condition wasn't the optimum one. They were almost drained at the 3rd quarter. Their last lap was about to arrive, the team leader said that this would be a dangerous and tough one. This was going to test their stamina. Few of them lost their faith and wanted to give up - but they had no choice but to move on. They were discouraged by what they've seen - the steepest slope. Their hearts were filled with fear. They had the mindset that they would not make it as they knew that they do not have enough stamina to move on.

In the end, they made it to the top.

- Humphrey Tan

crucified at 6:51:00 PM
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Monday, July 12, 2004

LIKE YOU

Lord, with You I will fear nothing
Nothing shall I worry about
With You I can stand firm
Regardless of how strong the wind may be
I may be physically hurt
I may be emotionally drained

But Lord,
My faith will never be broken
It can never be stolen
They can take away my all
But never can they destroy my faith

Lord, I will forever hold You dear
Nothing shall tear us apart
Although I may suffer much
But I will choose to forgive
For You have forgiven me

Because Lord,
You first led by example
I will listen to You
They can hurt me
But never will I fight back

Lord, Your promises are so true
Nothing worths more than them
Although sometimes I may not realise
That You are right beside me
But I love You dearly, Lord

I know Lord,
For each suffering I bear
I know You were hurt too
Every tears I cry
You will always feel it Lord

Lord, How I hope to see Thy face
Then I will be satisfied
For I do not know of anyone so true
So lovely
So worthy
So charming
So caring
So precious
So powerful
So dearly
So gentle
So faithful

Like You

- Humphrey Tan

crucified at 6:33:00 PM
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LET YOUR LOVE

I can hear You calling
In a whisper You say so much
In a dream I'm falling
But I awaken within Your love and
I find You waiting
I find You, arms stretching open
My will is breaking
Lord, I've had enough
I'm giving up

So let Your love take my heart, make me strong
Take my life from now on
Running out of hope
Running out of strength
So let Your love take over me

I have been unchanging
I have seen my world spinning by
Only You can save me
From the foolishness of my pride, so
Come find me waiting
Come find me, heart reaching upward
My will is fading
Lord, I've had enough
I'm giving up

In a dream I'm falling
Come and find me waiting
Come and make me strong
Come and lead me on
Come and set my heart free
Come and take Your love

crucified at 6:28:00 PM
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Sunday, July 11, 2004

FOR

For the way that You love
For the mercy that You granted
For the promises You've made
For the faithfulness of Yours
For the cross that You died
For the pain that You beared
For the forgiveness that You gave
For the resurrection of You, my Lord
For the risen King
For the Messiah
For the Prince of Glory
For the name of Jesus
For Christ

I am willing to follow
I am willing to listen
I am willing to abide
I am willing to try

I am, His

- Humphrey Tan

crucified at 8:01:00 PM
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BECAUSE YOU LOVED ME

You're my Lord
You're my God
You're my everlasting song
I was lost but am found
All because You cared for me
For the love
For the cross
For the way You hold me close
Lord I give unto You
All You've given unto me

I want to be a light that shines Your Name
I want to tell the whole world of Your fame
I want the whole wide world to know
How You've given up Your all
Just to bring me back to You again
I don't care what the world may say of me
I only know that You have set me free
I know I'll never be alone
I am never on my own
I will strive to run this race always
Because You loved me

crucified at 7:52:00 PM
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A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening
appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it
struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed
to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far
as it could and it could go no further. So the man decided to help
the butterfly, he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the
remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But
it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. The man continued
to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the
wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which
would contract in time. Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly
spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and
shriveled wings. It never was able to fly. What the man in his
kindness and haste did not understand was that the restricting
cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through
the tiny opening were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of
the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight
once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If God
allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, it would
cripple us.We would not be as strong as what we could have been.
We could never fly.

I asked for Strength
And God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.

I asked for Wisdom
And God gave me Problems to solve.

I asked for Prosperity
And God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.

I asked for Courage
And God gave me Danger to overcome.

I asked for Love
And God gave me Troubled people to help.

I asked for Favors
And God gave me Opportunities.

I received nothing I wanted
I received everything I need

- unknown

crucified at 5:58:00 PM
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LORD

Lord, Guide me
As I walk this road unknown
The road of narrow path
Towards the narrow gate

Lord, Heal me
Heal this fragile heart of mine
Which is bleeding continuously
As no one is there to mend it

Lord, Lead me
Lead this blind child of Yours
Who is walking aimlessly
To a destination unknown

Lord, Take it in
Take in my future
Mould it, refine it
According to Thy will

Lord, Strengthen me
For I am often weaken
By the power of Satan
Who keeps distracting my mind

Lord, Revive me
For my desire for You is dying
Make it into a burning flame
And let it burn till eternity

Lord, Live in me
Let Your spirit dwell in me
And set my minds on Your desires
And not the wants of my flesh

Come in Lord
To eat with me
Be my friend
Till eternity...

- Humphrey Tan

crucified at 2:33:00 PM
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