_________ i have found my island; waiting for the island to let me in `

Saturday, October 02, 2004

Is this my Life?

What is Your plan for me?

You claimed it to be prosperous

You said it would be flawless

But do You really mean it?

You said You would provide

But why am I in this poverty state?

You said You would be there

But why did You allow me to stumble?

How am I going to acquire the strength?

To live this life of pain

You know me best

You love me most

But where did You go

When I needed You most?

I made attempts to stand again

But it would result in another pain

Where are You exactly?

When it is really hurting

I pray hard to You, Lord

That everything would be made fine

That this phase would pass away quickly

And all things would be made perfect

- Humphrey Tan

crucified at 10:26:00 PM
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Just added a link which I think you guys might want to visit:
Christianity Today

crucified at 9:28:00 PM
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Will He be there? Will He provide?

I had some weird thoughts today. Well, many of you may start to feel that I am a person without firm decision. I asked myself few questions. Am I really prepared to settle down at RiverLife? Is this really His ultimate plan for me? Well, I started to stumble again. Thinking of things that contradict each other. I don't know whether it was my own decision or God's decision that I should change a church. I do not know whether it was yet another act of impatience. I know that I shouldn't be asking these questions now, as I should've asked them before any decision is made. Just as I was wondering, another question came to my mind. What is the Purpose of going to Church? This is indeed a simple yet complicated question. Going to Church just because of the music? The people? The atmosphere? The feeling? NO way !!! Going to church is to have fellowship with both God and fellow siblings-in-Christ. Then, am I attending church for the right purpose and right aim? Well, it's a 80% yes to that question. However, I felt that although the vertical relationship (with God) is there, the horizontal one (with siblings) is still not yet built. Is this another message from God? I dare not think. Maybe it's because that I am still new to them or maybe I am an introvert and "shy" to interact. At Emmaus, the brothers were friendly. They would take the initiative to get to know the new-comers and to build relationship with them. Well, maybe I am 50% correct. God did prompted me to change a church, but He never say that it's RiverLife. Maybe I should attend RiverLife as a visitor instead of a member. Well, not that I doubt God. It's just to play safe as it may not be pleasing to God if I go to a place that is not intended for me. In the meantime, I think that I should really look around and find an ideal place, where God intended for me, and settle down. Be it RiverLife or any other, as long as it is pleasing in God's eye, I do not mind.

crucified at 9:09:00 PM
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Thursday, September 30, 2004

crucified at 5:42:00 PM
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Tuesday, September 28, 2004

FOR THOSE TEARS I DIED

You said You'd come and share all my sorrows,
You said, You'd be there for all my tomorrows;
I came so close to sending You away,
But just like You promised You came there to stay
I just had to pray!

And Jesus said, "Come to the water,
Stand by My side,
I know you are thristy
you won't be denied;
I felt every tear drop
When in darkness you cried,
And I strove to remind you
that for those tears I died."

Your goodness so great I can't understand,
And dear Lord I know that all this was planned;
I know You're here now and always will be,
Your love loosed my chains and in You I'm free
But Jesus, Why me?

And Jesus said, "Come to the water,
Stand by My side,
I know you are thristy
you won't be denied;
I felt every tear drop
When in darkness you cried,
And I strove to remind you
that for those tears I died."

Jesus, I give You my heart and my soul!
I know that without God I'd never be whole;
Savior, You opened all the right doors,
And I thank You and praise You from earth's humble shores,
Take me, I'm Yours!

And Jesus said, "Come to the water,
Stand by My side,
I know you are thristy
you won't be denied;
I felt every tear drop
When in darkness you cried,
And I strove to remind you
that for those tears I died."

The meaning of the lyrics above are revealed to a high degree. Whenever I listen or sing this song, tears would involuntarily flow across my face. I do not know why. Well, this song will be my prayer today.

crucified at 10:01:00 AM
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