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Wake me up Lord, will You?
I found out that I've been sleeping all the while. Thanks to Joylynn, who woke me up. Hope that it's not too late. I have to admit this: I've stopped praying to God about the church matter since I've made up my mind to attend riverlife. (Not knowing that whether it was my own decision or God's) I admit I assumed that God wanted me there. All the reasons I gave were from myself, they were not from God. I stumbled when Joylynn told me that we all sec4s, are going to leave MEGALIFE and proceed to another service which is going to be held from 7pm till 9.30pm, which is impossible for the time being. As I already have a bit of problem now. Why? If I am really committed to Him and ready to give up anything for Him, I wouldn't have stumbled upon the timing. I can proudly say that I am attending riverlife for the sake of God, not for the sake of the people nor for the sake of going. However, it was not like this for emmaus. Since the first day, my purpose there was wrong. Many a time, or should I say most of the time, I was there not to desire God, not really to seek God, but just attending foundation and youth fellowship for the sake of the people there, and for the sake of going. AS for the foundation and second-half, I couldn't find myself 100% attentive to them, it's always the messages entering into the right ear and coming out from the left. Thus, I gained nothing. Well, I know that attending church is not to gain something or what. Attending church is to exalt and exhort God as one body of Christ. Attending church is to glorify Him. Attending church is to fellowship with one another. Attending church is to maintain the covenant with God. And well, I am not God, although I can say that I attend riverlife for God, but I can't tell that this will last. Will I be stumbled once again? Will I doubt once again? Or will I change to another church once again? Well, after few minutes of reflection, the only answer to my struggle is, or perhaps the only question to my struggle is: "Have I been praying to Him and seek His opinion?" Well, I know that I can't say yes. In fact, I feel that I've not prayed to Him in such personal way for a long time. Long time = About a week. I know that it's no point saying these things, as actions normally speak louder than words do. However, I do not know why. I failed to realise His presence all day long. I've been doing things that I felt are beneficial to myself. I did not seek Him. I became my own God. I made my own decision. I've been proclaiming Him, I've been singing and listening to songs that praise Him. However, I would be too ashamed if I were to ask myself the following questions. "Do I mean what I sing?" "Do I mean my every prayer?" "Is my desire burning? Or do I worship for the sake of worship?" "Am I conscious of God?" and the list goes on and on. When would I really stand firm and say "YES" to every questions? I always ask people around me to seek Him and to pray, but never did I set as an example. Yes, I prayed oftenly. But I only meant 40% of my prayer. Well, I did tried to focus on Him times and again, but things just did not turn out the way I want to be. I was distracted - by unknown sources. That affected my prayers.
The most powerful weapon of a Christian is prayer. It's so simple yet so powerful and amazing. It acts as a telephone between the faraway heaven and earth. Well, it's also an important tool for Christian to talk to God and to seek His opinions in many things. Thus, I feel that I really should waste this tool. Unlike a typical phone, other than wireless, I can use it to communicate with God anywhere, anytime - and it's absolutely FREE!...
Well, I am going to start praying to Him. If anyone out there is facing a similar problem as me, I do hope that you would ask yourself the questions that I've mentioned. And PRAYED!!! Lastly, if anyone is reading this, please commit me in your prayers... THANK YOU & AMEN.*I'd be out of town from tomorrow. Probably back on Wednesday. Thus, may not be blogging. Bye...
crucified
at 9:35:00 PM
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