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Which is His calling? And which is his? I did not intend to post an entry today. I was online since 30 minutes ago and felt like switching my computer off and proceed to revise for my a-maths test tomorrow. However, I suddenly had the urge to blog as I know that I may need the help of you (refering to Christians) to answer some questions and also to pray for me. The poor me, again. I am now living with a mixed feeling. I feel that I am the middle person between God and the devil. I have been hearing "voices" from each party. And there are many times that I couldn't locate the source of those callings. Few brothers came to talk to me about the church matter. They told me that it's probably His plan that they were sent to "counsel" me. However, they seem to instill a certain level of guilt in me by mentioning about some questions. MOTIVE! PURPOSE! ACTION!... well.. these words look simple... but they carry a big meaning. Well, is it God who is holding me back? Or was it my own feeling and judgment that God is using them to talk to me? I know that if this is going to continue like this, I will either go bonkers or will stray away from Him. I couldn't explain me feeling and thoughts right now. I feel that I am growing, but on the other hand, I could also feel that my faith is gradually decreasing and I am starting to let the satain take control over me? The topic of "The Purpose Driven Life" yesterday was about life. It mentions that life is about test and trust. Somewhere in that chapter, it mentioned that God continually tests people's character, faith, obedience, love, integrity, and loyalty. It mentioned that God drew Himself back to test Hezekiah. In another word, God allowed him to fail to sense His closeness. Well, maybe it's God who is testing me now. Maybe He purposely allowed those brothers to approach me to test me. To see if I would change my mind or change decision easily. However, I am not God. I know nothing. Therefore, I really need help and need prayers. I strongly believe that God has a plan for me and He knows everything. Thus, I do not want to get in His way. I just want to serve Him and glorify Him with my life.
crucified
at 8:15:00 PM
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