Archive
05/23/2004 - 05/30/2004
05/30/2004 - 06/06/2004
06/06/2004 - 06/13/2004
06/20/2004 - 06/27/2004
06/27/2004 - 07/04/2004
07/04/2004 - 07/11/2004
07/11/2004 - 07/18/2004
07/18/2004 - 07/25/2004
07/25/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 08/08/2004
08/08/2004 - 08/15/2004
08/15/2004 - 08/22/2004
08/22/2004 - 08/29/2004
08/29/2004 - 09/05/2004
09/05/2004 - 09/12/2004
09/12/2004 - 09/19/2004
09/19/2004 - 09/26/2004
09/26/2004 - 10/03/2004
10/03/2004 - 10/10/2004
10/10/2004 - 10/17/2004
10/17/2004 - 10/24/2004
10/24/2004 - 10/31/2004
10/31/2004 - 11/07/2004
11/07/2004 - 11/14/2004
11/14/2004 - 11/21/2004
11/21/2004 - 11/28/2004
11/28/2004 - 12/05/2004
12/05/2004 - 12/12/2004
12/12/2004 - 12/19/2004
I can't describe my feeling right now. Maybe I would say, "Angry and Despair".
I really have no mood for anything now. My heart and my soul seem to have been taken away by something or someone. I've not been behaving like Chin Ho for the past few days (since Tuesday), including today. Something just cause me to lose my desire for everything, except that something. Let me start writing what happened to me on Tuesday - the beginning. I slept really early on Tuesday (5th Oct) night. Around eight I think. However, I woke up late the next morning. It was because I was too concentrated in a dream. It was about someone and everything was about that someone. Well, I reached school slightly later than my usual reporting time on Wednesday morning. I felt a slight change in my behaviour and actions. My soul was somehow departed from my flesh and it seemed as if I was pre-occupied by something. Then came recess. Things went relatively smooth and normal - though I didn't talk much. Then, I saw something/someone. "It couldn't be... no..." I told myself. Time passed extremely slow and I really couldn't concentrate during lesson anymore. I felt sick.
The 1.50 bell rang. Finally - but not really. I saw that someone again. I felt like stepping forward to say something - but... I didn't. I knew I had to keep myself occupied before I go bonkers. All I thought of was to get back home as soon as possible - I do not know why. I went to the bus stop and boarded the bus. I alighted at Lorong 1 for a transfer at another bus stop. It was about 50 metres away - but I took so long that it seemed like a kilometre. I wasn't thinking of anything, and I feel the emptiness inside me. I really felt like crying. I waited for my bus. It was only thirty minutes later before I finally boarded a bus. It not because that the bus was late, but it's because I've let few buses, which I should board, to pass by me. It was a short yet long journey home.
Lunch was ready at that time, but I felt full. Thus, I never had my lunch that day. I switched my computer on and started to wait. I waited for a couple of hours, but with no avail. I decided to write something. I knew it would be worse if I continue to wait. Therefore, I decided to escape by forcing myself to sleep - I succeeded.
It was Thursday. Well, God didn't grant me what I've hoped for. I waited and waited in the hall, but I didn't see. And the rest of the day was like Wednesday (except I didn't miss the bus again). Well, people around me started to find me weird, or maybe it's because I told them that I am not myself.
3 days passed. And it's Friday. God did granted me what I've hoped, but He took it back. Someone told me, "Ni si xin ba" which means you better let your desire dies. What does he mean? He didn't want to tell me. I hate such people, who wants to tell something but like to make people worry. I simply hate it.
For the next couple of days, I guess I would still behave in such ways, unless something happened. Thus, don't get surprised.
If you are wondering what am I talking about. I guess only the someone will know.
crucified
at 5:26:00 PM
†<<<-------
Phrey-DOMic~ ------->>>†
|