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I prayed to Him regarding the Holy Spirit today. I feel that I've been sinning against Him recently. I can't control myself, I have been letting my human nature (which is always controlled by the evil ones), to take control over my all. I reacted to situations in a non-christian way, it was as if I was my own God. I began to be influenced by what people around me were discussing. I began to possess hatred. I began to join in their conversations of criticism. Sometimes I even started it. Why? It's because I have forgotten God. I have neglected Him, and have let the evil ones entered me. I have been trying to change, but the desire for change is often seasonal, sometimes I felt like changing, but sometimes there are many excuses such as "Everyone sins, why can't I?", "I promise I'd change tomorrow!". However, nothing seems to be changed. Everything remains the same as the past. It's just like the song below:
"But it goes against the way I am; to put my human nature down; and let the Spirit take control of all I do. Cause when those trials come; my human nature shouts the things to do; and God's soft prompting can be easily ignored."
It is always against my way of life (the sinner's way) to stop the actions of my nature. Thus, it became difficult for me to let the Holy Spirit whom God has sent into me, to take control over me. Even if they managed to, my nature would shout the command again when trials and temptations come. Thus, I would not be able to listen to His message, His warning, anymore.
Other than praying for the Holy Spirit to control me, I also prayed that He would allow me to grow. He led me into GM, He led me to Him, for only two purposes - for me to delicate the rest of my life to glorify Him and to make disciples for Him. To make it simple, He wants me to be a living testimony and an instrument to bring the Gospel to the lost ones. However, I have not been doing it. I do not even have the desire for Him now. I feel so lost and so alone now - but I know that He never once left me.
Lastly, I prayed for His guidance and for wisdom to be granted to me. I have also made two commitments unto Him. One of them is that I am willing to serve Him whole-heartedly. "Lord, Thy Servant is waiting for You!" I pray that He would work in accordance to my commitments and lead me to the place where I can dwell and worship Him whole-heartedly and to fulfil the commitments I've made.
Dear Lord,
Thy faithful servant is waiting
Come and reveal Yourself to me
I commit my entire life into Thy hand
Let Thy Spirit dwell in me
I am willing to let it take control over my all
Let me be wise so that I may be like You
Keep my faith renewed as I walk this World
As Thy servant waits patiently for Your arrival
AMEN!
crucified
at 11:08:00 PM
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